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Aug 25
We started by talking about how transcendent sex was and how hard it was to find words for it and I said I would have to speak at 60 words a second to capture the experience and asked if you agreed with the description and you did and I marveled at how our descriptions always agree and you said it’s because we’re having the same experience which is possible because by being completely undefended it allows the merging to take place and the result is that we experience ourselves fully at the same time as the merged experience and it could happen between any two people or a group of people and if it spread it would lead to world peace and I thought wow, I must write this down tomorrow.
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Jul 15
My Dear Kat,
A few days ago, you left early for work, leaving me in bed, and as you left, you complimented me on what I had been wearing the previous evening. I so love that open, expressive, positive aspect of you for several reasons: firstly, you believe it, and secondly, you say it. Other people might believe it but not say it, or say it yet not believe it, but with you I feel seen and appreciated. Thank you. It makes me feel watered, nourished, expanded, not just in the moment, but permanently so.
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Jul 09
Dear Kit,
We’ve been having those wonderful talks about how we are going to move forward in these next six months and in our life together. I so enjoy these creative jam sessions, especially because they are not just pipe dreaming. They often result in wonderful new paths and directions for us. There is something about the way we are able to speak the total of our minds to each other, never in a defensive way, never withholding or protected. We just both put out the full thoughts we can come up with and some where in between, a new and wonderful different concept or plan emerges. One that is neither from you or I. It is the answer that arises through our process and it is a co-creation of our united being.
I was giving an illustration of the fact that we shouldn’t think we are locked into things as they are now. We can shake it all up and let it come out differently – on the material physical plane. I put forth a scenario in which we sell Isla Vista and Victoria and with the profits wind up with a big house that we own outright (given the housing deals being made right now) and have no mortgage on. This would greatly change our whole scenario. It was an example and not necessarily a specific suggestion, although all things of this nature deserve looking at.
I view your recent fabulously successful foray into creating an income job for yourself as a really wonderful example of just what I was talking about. This has the potential to greatly alter our lives and it is a direct right degree turn from what was happening the day before it occurred!
I rejoice that we are using our creative abilities to shape and reframe our lives.
Life is so precious, as we were reminded again this week. Let’s not fall asleep and let’s keep on creating anew.
I love our life together and I rejoice in you!
love Kat
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Jul 08
Dear Kat,
One way to describe how we relate to each other is as adults.
This requires some back story to explain. As children we need to be taught many things. While that ideally teaches us to relate to others as equals, it must partly forgo that style, or children would have equal say on whether to go to the dentist. Because the examples set for us include both equality and parent-child, we take both styles of relating into our adult-hood. Our task as adults is to divest ourselves of the adult-child style as much as possible. There are two cases where this is inappropriate: with children of our own, and with others who have not been fully socialized.
This is all somewhat theoretical, but I have come to this after much thinking about you and I, and what is different. It brings to mind “Games People Play” by Eric Berne, though I didn’t see that until late in my musings. If we looked at others’ conflicts as involving an adult or child component, I think we would find a good fit.
Kit
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Jul 05
Dearest,
I’m so glad to be back posting. I love that our process has brought us back here. I love our talking. First in person and then on the blog,we share what we find out about us and this amazing experience of living love and deep abiding peace. I love that we both feel strongly we want to find ways to share this with everyone and hope it might give inspiration for others to have a personal experience of true peace and love within relationship. This experience with you and us, gives me as you put it, the visceral knowing of what peace is, and how love is lived.
And so it is, that as we entered the second six months of this year, we’ve again begun to look at our core values and what we want and how to make it be. This has engendered wonderful talks and the loveliest of intimacies. These talks have led us to blogging again. I am looking forward to incorporating this into my natural flow, so that our writing goes back and forth smoothly and without too much delay.
So some of the gems of the last few days are:
It is core to us that we find ways to return to the world fellowship, this amazing grace we have been granted in being together. We feel blessed to be participating in such a creative, expansive relationship that supports so deeply each of us as individuals, and yet brings forth something that is neither you nor I, but of both of us. We want to find ways to share this process and anything that can be learned or used from it to bring peace and love.
In order to move toward changing my hours, I have to experience this by spending some time out of my present schedule and situation. If we are moving toward realizing certain situations for our life together, then we must also experience that by spending time with each other out of the normal schedules we have, and in the places and ways we are moving toward. In order to manifest what we want, we have to at least have short bursts of actual experience of how it will be in order to truly move toward it.
Love
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Jun 30
My Dear Kat,
I am very pleased with our decision to start writing again. After our talks of the last couple of nights, I look forward to a renewed emphasis on the quality of life.
We played with some ideas about KK and I want to document them here. We need to connect with others at a visceral, not just cerebral, level. (As an afterthought, how much does that mean personal presence? Does youtube or audio carry some of that? Maybe even writing can if it is good enough; words have inspired many people to many things.) We need the message/idea/experience to be viral; we can’t contact 6.8bn people directly. Or can we? Part of the message must be that we need people to believe personal and world peace is possible. Without that vision, it cannot spread.
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Feb 26
My Dear Kat,
I just read through the posts that we picked out for review, and I am blown away by them! I love what we wrote. Two things stand out for me: firstly, how clearly we grasped and understood the elements of our relationship, and secondly, how clearly and cogently we expressed them.
This leaves me with somewhat of a mystery — how come we’ve had the feeling for the last 18 months that we’ve been finding words and refining concepts? Is that a variant of “better all the time”, or is it that we didn’t trust what we knew and how we were saying it?
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Feb 19
Dear Kat,
We talk about presence and the present a lot, but it’s a hard subject to pin down. I see it as an alternate, more basic way to view the world. Life has learned not only to react to the environment, but to remember the events so that it can react appropriately, and to predict events also. In other words, our model of the world contains a past and a future. Furthermore, we have invented language, wherein words are a stand-in for one or a bundle of experiences, and can also incorporate other words, leading to a very efficient way of storing information.
All this has been such a successful strategy that our attention routinely roams around the brain areas that manage the past and the future, interspersed with checking on linguistic summaries of the present. As a result, to experience the world in anything but verbal terms is very hard, but I want to point out some of its attributes.
 It’s unspeakable, by definition. It cannot be captured in words. It is like a reflection in a pool; if you reach out to grasp it, the ripples of words only hide the reflection. It is a hard discipline to leave it be.
It is primary. Our entire verbal and intellectual edifice is derived from this. It cannot be dismissed as of no consequence just because it has no place in our mental model of the world.
It has a timeless quality. The sense of time does not vanish completely (though it can be severely distorted by the flood of sensations), but our view of time is a construct of the mind, and it is as if I simultaneously experience two facets of reality: the flux of change (for time is change, nothing more or less) and and an eternal, unchanging element. It’s not eternal in the sense of lasting forever, but in the sense of being outside of time.
It’s constantly new. This moment has never been before.
All that is preamble to talking about how we are together. We both choose to focus our attention on the present, whether it be the scenery while driving or the press of flesh on flesh, and we react in concert to an uncanny degree, far more than if it were viewed in the light of our past or our expectations. It is as if we are drinking from the same fountain, tasting the same wine.
To phrase it differently, our relationship consists of what is happening, not what did happen or what might happen. So many complications and misunderstandings are avoided by this. I thank you again and again.
As a postscript, I want to say that I am not advocating the hedonism of the grasshopper over the hard work of the ant, but I am saying that the rich fields of the present nourish and sustain the whole of our lives.
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Feb 18
So many of my friends who are not in a partnership tell me that they are very happy with their lives. They feel that their lives are rich and full. However, they would like a partnership in their life. At the same time they imagine that they would have to give up some of what they like about their lives, give up freedom of choice and space, if they were to let another into their intimate space.
If they honor the other person the same way they do themselves, if they don’t try to alter or make the other different, then maybe the other won’t do it to them either. Maybe one could start out not giving up freedom or space, but just adding to life what feels good and what you want to do or share with the other person. Maybe you can work with just addition and not giving up for a starting image. If you honor the other and see them as a complete and total individual, as you are, a separate state in the union as it were, then instead of personal encroachment there will be enrichment for each.
I still have to work on this some more to find a way to say this but I think there may be something here that would help talk about the question “how did we get here?”.
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Feb 11
We were standing together this morning hugging before separating, and it was such a deep and warm sharing. I started thinking that if people knew what strong experiences peace and love are, perhaps they wouldn’t be so attracted to conflict, anxiety, drama and tension. I think often people equate strong feeling with the negativity they create. I think that maybe in order to have the sense of having feelings, or caring deeply, people often create problems and conflicts in order to reassure themselves that they care or are cared for. I know it sounds turned around, but I think this is often the case. If we can communicate how strong the experiences we share are, maybe it could click in some people’s minds and they would move toward exchanges that are filled with love and generate peace. Maybe they could ‘get it’ that what they are seeking doesn’t come from generating drama or illusory problems. But rather, that it comes from being present and actually experiencing what is really there, who the other truly is as a person. The joy of sharing who you are and being appreciated for that, of not being pushed or pulled, changed or manipulated, but just to have someone rejoice in your person and to share with you theirs. Maybe we can find the words to illuminate for others this miraculous experience that we share!
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