Not Just Once

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

Today is busy, but I wanted to respond to your last post by adding that it was not some “Wow that was great sex because we were pleasantly drunk and had unwound from the day and the movie was erotic and the stars were aligned” one-off exceptional event, but we reach this transcendental state on a regular basis  (I’m not quite bold enough to claim that it is every time), and this is extraordinary in and of itself.  How lucky we are.


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I Wanted To Thank You

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

We had such a transcendent experience last night while making love and I wanted to thank you. We reach a place, not in thought, but in actual experience that impinges upon the Divine. It is the experience of the infinite. There is a quality of never endingness and there is no recognizable sequence.  Hence there is no experience of time as we usually know it. We experience that there is no end in that ‘place’ where we go in union. There is no end except the physical material  limitations we have by the nature of what we are.

I want to thank you for allowing me to go there. It is an experience that you need a partner to achieve. There are other ways to have this experience, but the path that we are walking calls for a partner. I have always believed that this type of direct experience of Reality was possible between people, but I have never before had a partner who wanted to walk that path together. It is such ecstasy.  It opens up the vistas of all that is beyond.

And again, thank you!

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Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

I struggled to post tonight.  I didn’t want to just reiterate what we have been saying about agreement and balance because I felt the words would not differ enough to be useful.

This led me to thinking about language, and so I finally pulled out the metaphors we have used in this blog.

Imagine being barefoot in a room with thumb-tacks on the floor.  Even a few will inhibit your ability to dance, but once you find the room to be free of them, no limits apply.

Riding a bicycle
But how we do this is hard to pin down.  Maybe it’s like riding a bicycle.  At first, you fall over all the time; later, staying balanced becomes second nature.

The present is the path
And yet “do” is almost the wrong term, because there is no sense of effort; things happen effortlessly, again and again and again.  It is as if there is a path through life called the present that is clear and easy to walk.  To left and right, the past and the future have barbs, snares, pits of tar, that make progress so much more difficult.

On a leash
A partner who is only ninety-something percent accepting gives the feeling of being on a leash; you can run free most places, but at some point, a violent tug will occur, so the response is to run cautiously, or not at all.  But at 100%, a transforming quality occurs.

Riding in tandem
Many years ago I had the opportunity to ride rear-seat on a tandem.  I was used to steering on a bike, and I jerked the handlebars so fiercely that the forward rider could not keep the machine in balance.  Neither of us are doing that now.

Books and pages
…a book with pages; we think we are individual pages, but we are connected together in ways that are not seen by inspecting an individual page.

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Balance – We Seem To Achieve It Naturally

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

The way we come together is so mysterious. It is filled with paradoxes and yet it seems to come so naturally to us.

The other day I was feeling such deep union with you and the word balance came into my mind. It seems to me that neither of us is more present, or taking up more space in the union, or having stronger desires for something specific, or pushing for some direction.

We seem to be so equally there, so completely balanced in our beingness with the other, that the a third presence emerges. This third presence is our union. It covers an area that is not the separate personality of me or of you, both of which are fully present,  but rather of another. This third presence is one where the lines between you and me blur and melt together. This is  experienced not just on the mindal or spirit level, but  even on the physical.

This balance, where neither push nor pull are present,  seems to be a key to the experience we share. And yet where does it come from? We seem to do it so naturally.

I think an important component is the utter respect and appreciation for the other as an individual.

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Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

Dear Kat,

There’s nothing to report – we just continue to get on magnificently.

WAIT!  That’s the weird thing – how does this happen?

Firstly I want to distinguish between disagreements and arguments.  The former is possible, the latter unimaginable.  Why would I want to persuade you to do something against your will?  It may improve my lot in some way, but the cost of your compliance must be deducted from the benefit.

Let’s say that I see my benefit as M and the cost to you as Y.  Then I should go ahead if M > Y.

But you may see the benefit to me as M2 and the cost to you as Y2, so I shouldn’t do it if M2 < Y2.

For this clash not to take place, either

  • Our assessment of each others’ states must be accurate.
  • If not accurate, our assessment of each others’ states must be generous.
  • We believe the reporting of the other.

This may be overly intellectual and abstract, but the point I want to make is that we fully accept the reported reality of the other and do not discount it as less important than ours.  This requires two things: that we accept the other as fully equal to ourselves, not in skills and desires but in rights and consciousness, and that we trust the other to be truthful.

Oh, I see I riffed on this a couple of posts ago. Read the rest of this entry »

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Its Been A While

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

Its been a while since I’ve posted. However, I am dedicated to continuing.  I am still absolutely convinced that what you and I share can serve as an inspiration and give informational support to others. Let’s keep writing this blog back and forth. I find it really helps in the process of finding words to talk and write about our union.

There are paradoxes associated with how we are with each other. We do not experience our union as something that takes work or that we have to consciously apply techniques to achieve. And yet it is something that we have to actively do. It is something that we have gotten better at. Our togetherness seems more mature and deeper. At the same time that seems impossible, as each experience is the best anything could ever be. The way we are is joyous and smooth. It is so very full of peace and comfort on an abiding spirit level.

If I were to list what we have to offer, the primary thing would be peace.  Indeed we have found a way to coexist in a place of balance and harmony, that both supports and encourages each of us in our own personal development. We are not contributing to discord and dissonance. I do not find that I am ever pushed to respond from my lowest of reactions, from the animal parts of me that are lurking below the surface.  Instead, I feel that I am living in my best part, in my higher realms of personality actualization. Your very presence and the experience of the  kind of relating that we do so easily and naturally,  has landed me in a world colored by meaning and value. We have the experience of relationship filled with peace, harmony, joy, love, truth, beauty and  goodness. We are manifesting our core values, that which  feels real to me. We do this without any energy going toward the illusory, the imagined energies of anger, conflict, fear. And yet, there is no struggle involved. As actively as we live this together, it feels as though it is the easiest thing possible. And the most attractive.

The attraction toward harmony and lack of tensions is a critical component in being together as we are. It has to pull you toward it. You have to want to leave the juice of conflict behind you. You have to find a way to allow peace to occur.

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Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

We don’t argue.  Realisation of that was the genesis of our exploration of our relationship.  We’ve said “Oh, we don’t argue because we don’t want to”, and that is part of it, but in addition to that, we are able to come to a mutually agreeable decision every time.

Now that is no doubt made simpler by our having similar opinions on tidiness, money, work, politics and more (though anyone who picks a seriously mismatched partner is either inexperienced, masochistic, or working through issues), but it’s not that we always make the same choices initially.  Instead, we each put out our position and then start looking for something that works for both of us.  We don’t defend our position, and we’re not overly attached to it; instead, we want to find something that works for both of us because we recognise that the other has equal rights to their needs, that their desires have equal validity, reality, importance.

It’s not that we’re equal in our desires, but that we see the other as having as much right to their position as ourselves, and that we are affected by the happiness (or otherwise) of the other.

Another thing is (to steal your term) the celebration of difference – that the other introduces a variety into life that would not otherwise be there, and we welcome change rather than fearing it.  Doing so is easier because of our mutual benevolence – that we don’t want to take any course of action that will harm the other, so in the light of that, it is easy to trust the choices and suggestions of the other.

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