What We Are Doing Here

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

Yes, yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, but you have enough of that elsewhere.

Instead, I want to explain exactly what we are trying to do here.  You see, gentle readers, Kat and I are so very content with each other in a way that few other couples are, and we think that this model is uncommon in today’s world.  Instead, the talk is all of struggle, of gender wars, of having to work on the relationship, that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

We aren’t like that.

And if we aren’t like that, it means it doesn’t have to be that way.

It’s only that way if you make it that way.  It is nothing to do with your partner; it takes two to argue.  You can disagree on what to do without arguing; even if your partner does, you needn’t participate.

So here, we’re trying to give a sense of what life is like when an alternative style is chosen, and to say that yes, it’s not a myth, it can be done.

Just do it.


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Where’s My Partner, and Who Are You?

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

Dear Kit,

Yes, the Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde experience. This is so difficult and most times very shocking. The person you have come to love and share with just flips into someone else, someone you don’t recognize, someone who is a stranger to you.

I think this is one of the things that was so wonderful for me with you from the very beginning. Every time I encountered you, you were the same person. I came to know that this would not change. That you would really be there every time. Really be present, and really be the person I was growing to know and love.

Maybe this was particuarly important to me, because the last relationship I had been in suffered from this very difficult experience. I think the fact of your constancy, of you being who you really are all the time, is actually a critical part of who we are together. We each seem to be sitting inside our true selves, and when we come to the ‘table’ we bring our full selves there to the feast.

You have often said that it is as though there is nothing in the world but us when we come together. This does not mean we are not aware of the world or its happenings in our lives. Just that when we are together, we are actually taking time to really be completely present with each other. Also, this is not something that is done with effort. It seems to just occur. Its not that we have decided to do this, or talked about how to be together. It just seems to happen.

And I love who you are and am so grateful that when we come together, it is always the same person who I encounter!


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Where Do Arguments Come From?

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

This morning we spoke of people who act like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  We have both had partners like this.  One moment, everything is fine, then POW!  Something sets them off, and someone unrecognized appears: maybe hysterical, maybe furious, maybe withdrawn.

There are several ways we react to this.  One is to defend against the attack, to fight back, to deny the accusations.  A second is to feel guilty, to feel the attack is justified in some way.  Maybe I should have called her back?  Maybe I shouldn’t have said that?  It’s easy to react this way because sometimes we do screw up, and in such cases, this is the only way out.  A third way is to try and fix it, to do whatever it takes, because she is your partner and she is in pain, and because you want normal service to resume as soon as possible.

It was with A., a very volatile partner, that I first noticed the rock.  When she got angry, I wouldn’t let my self get dragged in.  I would not let myself be affected by it.  Oh, there were times it went on so long that I reacted in anger at the whole mess, but in general, I could just let it wash over me, could wait it out.

– – – – – – –

I write about all this because we don’t do it.  Ever.  In its place is a constancy, one that we both remarked on after getting to know each other.  I love the consistency.  Of course there is variability: sometimes you are tired or ill or quiet, but I never feel that you have changed in how you see me.  This knowledge is so very peaceful and calming.  Thank you.


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The Mystery of Our Sexuality

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

My Dear Kit,

Thank you for your description of our sexuality. You have touched so well on the magic of our union. When our bodies come together, it is like coming home. There is such a deep sense of fitting, of being in the absolutely right and perfect place.

As I visualize us together sexually, fitting together the way we do, the word peace comes to mind again. And yet our sexual union is filled with excitement, adventure, and highly charged particles moving together. Not something one often associates with peace! Indeed we create a highly charged energy, but not in the usual way. Charge is usually associated with things colliding into and against each other. This is not like that at all. It is all fluid and flowing. There are no hard edges, no bangs and bumps.

It is mysterious. Yes, it is always new, always better than ever before. How can this be? I believe that we are so in union and so in the present moment together, that we are actually able to co-create something new, something that never existed before. The experience of bringing something into being that is a child of our union, the by product of us coming together, is so breathtaking that it almost defies description.

Nevertheless, I enjoy trying to find a way to communicate about it and perhaps even find a way to let others know it is possible to relate in such a manner.

love Kat

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The Probability of Sex

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

I want to talk about how sex is between us.  It’s fabulous, it’s instant, it’s mutual and it’s shared.

By fabulous, I mean that it’s breath-taking; time and time again, we go to places and achieve highs that we never did before.  I’m not talking about the physical positions; they don’t seem to have much to do with it.  It’s a strong sense that wow, we never danced like this before, we’re going hand-in-hand (maybe make that gland-in-gland) down paths we’ve never been before.  Afterwards, the experience seems so other-worldly, it can be hard to believe it actually happened.

By instant, I mean that the sexual energy emerges full-blown: pow, there it is!  We’re in this place again.  There’s no contradiction with what I’ve just said about each time being different; these two things exist simultaneously.  That’s just the way it is.

Then there is the magical way it’s mutual.  I get turned on, and you respond, and I respond to that, and it’s 0-60 in 5 seconds again.  It happens nearly every time.  Oh, occasionally the other fails to respond due to tiredness or illness, but that causes no grief; we merely flow into a different place.

This mutuality is magical because of its improbability, because it says that I touch you, I affect you, because it is wonderful to be seen and to have my sexual needs so ecstatically met.  And we synchronize like this not just sexually, but also with most other things we do together; we rapidly find the choice that accommodates both our needs.  We do this by being present, by wanting the best for the other, by not clinging to our ideas of how things should be.

Lastly, the experience is so self-evidently shared.  We move together, responding to each other, becoming the junction between the two of us, treating that skin like our own, each our side of the fence, but holding hands through the railing, proof positive of the other, touching and merging to be us together at the same time as remaining completely myself.  I have nowhere in my cosmology to place this, yet there it is.  Not just once or twice, but again and again, over and above my sense of self, that sense of us.

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