Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

Dear Kat,

Love the words that you wrote.

I finished the Deepak Chopra book today.  Two things stand out from it: firstly, how parts of it fitted perfectly with our experience of the world (I use that in Wittgenstein’s “The world is all that is the case” sense), but secondly, there were parts where the language he used did not work for me.

I know it is hard to pick words for transcendent experiences precisely because they are so different from our every-day world.  Pointing and saying “Tree” worked with Man Friday, but we have a subtler message to convey.  One of the things I enjoy about this work with you is that we aren’t developing a private language, but are making a great effort in seeking words that will resonate for others.

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Other Personalities

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

Dear Kit,

It occurs to me that we have some basic behaviors that figure in an important way in our relating.

We seem to both have a great respect for the sacrosanct nature of each and every personality. We are not trying to change each other, we are not judging each other, we are not trying to tell each other what to do, or how to behave. In fact, that is so far from how we are with each other, so foreign to how we are with each other, that I must conclude that this is integral to our loving and conflict free relationship. We do not do this with others either.

I am not sure where this attitude originates with each of us. Is it a choice we have made, or is it a way that we are?

I am reminded of something from The Urantia Book. “Make less plans for other personalities”. This seems like such a simple statement and yet, it holds the key to a whole way of loving and being loved!

There are some great quotes from Deepak Chopra that you have been reading me, that I would include here too. He talks of surrender to the union self, to the we of you and I. This is not so much a giving up of self, as it is moving the center of gravity to the us. Does this play a role in our peaceful and passionate co-existence?

I love examining these things with you.

love Kat

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Balance and Stillness

Dialogue, Union by Kit 1 Comment »

My Dear Kat,

I want to speak about balance.  The way we act together is very puzzling.  We come to agreement on what we do together without apparent effort or decision-making.  Certainly there are times when only one of us feels tired, talkative, sleepy, sexual, but mostly we concur on whether to walk, what movie to watch, when to separate, and all those other joint decisions.  It’s that process of deciding that is obscure; there is no sense of pitting my needs against yours, struggling until a winner emerges.  There is scarcely ever even a sense that we have different agendas at all.  But how can this be?  We’re different people with different clocks; the odds of being in sync become more improbable the more it happens.

It is as if we have moved our consciousness from our individual selves to us, that incorporeal being that has both our interests at heart.  I don’t invoke magical channels here; it’s likely that there are signals of body language, smell, voice, etc. by which we adjust to each other.  But such communication is not conscious, hence the puzzlement above, and more to the point, is irrelevant because the focus is on what we do, our intentionality, and here, my best reply is “nothing”.  We achieve this by being, not by doing, and the more still we are, the more intense the experience becomes.


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The Trick Is To Come From Joy, Not Only From Loss

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »


I’ve been wanting to write about our recent conversations of being in the present and how one gets there. You and I seem to come to the present through joy. We feel so free and natural with each other, that we come with ease fully into the present.

Often people are brought to an appreciation of the present moments through loss; something shocking happens, someone gets terribly ill suddenly, or we experience sudden and unexpected loss. This makes one appreciate the little things, to be aware of what is actually around, to be in the present.

One can achieve just such a sharp focus experience of reality through joy and celebration. We do.

I believe it could change the world if people would find ways to live with awareness, appreciation and gratefulness of that which is, from moment to moment. I do not need to lose you, or us, or our life, to love and appreciate the moments we get to share. Let us find our way to celebrate through joy!


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The Freedom to Say Anything

Dialogue by Kit 1 Comment »

I love what you say about talking because I have had the “we need to talk” speech from so many other people.

So what’s the difference?  Was I mutated by a bombardment of cosmic rays?  No, I think everyone has, somewhere at least, a need to talk, to express themselves, to be seen.  To never do so would be a life of existential loneliness.  People may hold back out of shame, embarrassment or guilt, but we all need that contact at least on occasion to feel connected to others.

One reason the talking is so easy and fluid with us is the complete acceptance that we’ve talked about many times before.  There are no mine-fields, no dangerous areas, no taboo subjects, no demands to talk or be silent or respond or be a particular way, and this is such a liberating thing.  It’s this way for both of us, and leads to great freedom and joy.


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and There’s Talking to Each Other

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

We talk with each other all the time about everything.

We have always talked and shared our thoughts and our feelings. This has been for us a very natural and easy way to be together.  I think this flow of communication that we share so lightly is actually a very important component in our union.

Your interest in communicating and in knowing and understanding me and our experiences together, has always deeply attracted me to  you. Your ability to listen, as well as to express your thoughts and feelings, endears you to my heart.

Being with you is such a sweet pleasure!

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Presence and Union

Dialogue, Union by Kit No Comments »

Turtle and LilyMy Dear Kat,

To illuminate my main point, I first want to examine what it means to be present.  Yes it’s a cool phrase, and yes I can generally say if it is the case, but what exactly are we talking about?  Here’s my stab at it.

Some things are indisputable because their veracity stems from the experience itself.  Even if it’s an illusion, a mirror, a trick of the light, it’s still indisputably my world.  To the extent that our awareness and attention is on such experiences, we are present.  Phrased like that, presence is a continuum, not a binary state.  Nevertheless, the experience is closer to binary, like a seesaw, because of the way our attention focuses.

And so to my main point; I experience something existing that is not me and not you, but is us.  It is clearer when we are physically together, and most so in sexual union, but it is not simply the sense of touch or the pleasures of the flesh, because my sense of its existence is other than my physical senses.

I struggle to write these words because what I am saying is so beyond my objective, scientific view of the world, yet it fits in with Eastern/spiritual views of oneness and unity.  I feel as if I am in the process of turning a corner and perceiving a whole other landscape.


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Being Present In The Moment is Celebrating It All!

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

Dear Kit,

I really enjoy picking out flowers and bringing them to you. I love receiving the wonderful cards you find for me and the loving things you write on them about me and about us.

I’ve been thinking about all the things, big and small, that we do for each other. I’m not talking about the everyday life things (all of which are also so lovely), but of the special little acts we share that celebrate each other and our life together.

I’m not sure if being so present with each other makes  every moment a celebration, or if remembering to celebrate each other helps us to remain in the present. Either way, I think it is often the little things that make it all work so well.

We don’t seem to ever fall into taking our life together or each other fcr granted. We each feel stunned by how good it always is, and we each feel moved to find ways to celebrate and to acknowledge the ‘us’ and the other.

So I say to you and everyone else, never forget to celebrate, never take each other for granted.  This experience is after all one of grace, and you could walk right past it if  you’re not paying attention!

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Why do Things Always Change?

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

One of the peculiar things about you and I is the sense of change, of progress, of adventure.  Sometimes the externals – doing the crossword, curling up, reading the paper – seem identical, sometimes there is a change in flux – we’re very sexual, or get into a movie-watching jag, or do some activity we haven’t done in ages – but there is always a sense of newness, even within any elements of repetition.

I can only put this down to our ability to be in the present.  One day differs from another the way one page in a book is different from another page of the same book.  They may have the same color, thickness, weight, layout and typeface, but our experience of the two pages is completely different.  Write on!


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New Advice Column

Advice by Advice No Comments »

We’re starting an advice column on relationships here. Like what you read, but can’t see where to focus?  Write to Kit and Kat, or add a comment here, and we’ll do our best to help.

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