Old Posts

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

My Dear Kat,

I just read through the posts that we picked out for review, and I am blown away by them!  I love what we wrote.  Two things stand out for me: firstly, how clearly we grasped and understood the elements of our relationship, and secondly, how clearly and cogently we expressed them.

This leaves me with somewhat of a mystery — how come we’ve had the feeling for the last 18 months  that we’ve been finding words and refining concepts?  Is that a variant of “better all the time”, or is it that we didn’t trust what we knew and how we were saying it?

Digg! Digg this

The Present

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

Dear Kat,

We talk about presence and the present a lot, but it’s a hard subject to pin down.  I see it as an alternate, more basic way to view the world.  Life has learned not only to react to the environment, but to remember the events so that it can react appropriately, and to predict events also.  In other words, our model of the world contains a past and a future.  Furthermore, we have invented language, wherein words are a stand-in for one or a bundle of experiences, and can also incorporate other words, leading to a very efficient way of storing information.

All this has been such a successful strategy that our attention routinely roams around the brain areas that manage the past and the future, interspersed with checking on linguistic summaries of the present.  As a result, to experience the world in anything but verbal terms is very hard, but I want to point out some of its attributes.

FlowersIt’s unspeakable, by definition.  It cannot be captured in words.  It is like a reflection in a pool; if you reach out to grasp it, the ripples of words only hide the reflection.  It is a hard discipline to leave it be.

It is primary.  Our entire verbal and intellectual edifice is derived from this.  It cannot be dismissed as of no consequence just because it has no place in our mental model of the world.

It has a timeless quality.  The sense of time does not vanish completely (though it can be severely distorted by the flood of sensations), but our view of time is a construct of the mind, and it is as if I simultaneously experience two facets of reality: the flux of change (for time is change, nothing more or less) and and an eternal, unchanging element.  It’s not eternal in the sense of lasting forever, but in the sense of being outside of time.

It’s constantly new.  This moment has never been before.

All that is preamble to talking about how we are together.  We both choose to focus our attention on the present, whether it be the scenery while driving or the press of flesh on flesh, and we react in concert to an uncanny degree, far more than if it were viewed in the light of our past or our expectations.  It is as if we are drinking from the same fountain, tasting the same wine.

To phrase it differently, our relationship consists of what is happening, not what did happen or what might happen.  So many complications and misunderstandings are avoided by this.  I thank you again and again.

As a postscript, I want to say that I am not advocating the hedonism of the grasshopper over the hard work of the ant, but I am saying that the rich fields of the present nourish and sustain the whole of our lives.

Digg! Digg this

Imagine You Will Treat The Other Exactly How You Treat Yourself

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

So many of my friends who are not in a partnership tell me that they are very happy with their lives. They feel that their lives are rich and full. However, they would like a partnership in their life. At the same time they imagine that they would have to give up some of what they like about their lives, give up freedom of choice and space, if they were to let another into their intimate space.

If they honor the other person the same way they do themselves, if they don’t try to alter or make the other different, then maybe the other won’t do it to them either. Maybe one could start out not giving up freedom or space, but just adding to life what feels good and what you want to do or share with the other person. Maybe you can work with just addition and not giving up for a starting image. If you honor the other and see them as a complete and total individual, as you are, a separate state in the union as it were, then instead of personal encroachment there will be enrichment for each.

I still have to work on this some more to find a way to say this but I think there may be something here that would help talk about the question “how did we get here?”.

Digg! Digg this

Peace And Love Are Strong Deep Feelings

Dialogue by Kat No Comments »

We were standing together this morning hugging before separating, and it was such a deep and warm sharing. I started thinking that if people knew what strong experiences peace and love are, perhaps they wouldn’t be so attracted to conflict, anxiety, drama and tension. I think often people equate strong feeling with the negativity they create.  I think that maybe in order to have the sense of having feelings, or caring deeply, people often create problems and conflicts in order to reassure themselves that they care or are cared for. I know it sounds turned around, but I think this is often the case. If we can communicate how strong the experiences we share are, maybe it could click in some people’s minds and they would move toward exchanges that are filled with love and generate peace. Maybe they could ‘get it’ that what they are seeking doesn’t come from generating drama or illusory problems. But rather, that it comes from being present and actually experiencing what is really there, who the other truly is as a person. The joy of sharing who you are and being appreciated for that, of not being pushed or pulled, changed or manipulated, but just to have someone rejoice in your person and to share with you theirs. Maybe we can find the words to illuminate for others this miraculous experience that we share!

Digg! Digg this

Influence by Being not Doing

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

We’ve talked often about non-interference with each other (though you prefer using only positive terms), and today I pointed out that such an attitude carries over to how we interact with others – we much prefer to lead by example rather than offering exercises.  You pointed out that we are looking to trigger that “Aha!” moment rather than a step-by-step slog up the mountain.

I found this conversation very inspiring; it gave me a stronger sense of what we are doing and aiming for.  I eagerly anticipate our crafting words that speak from the heart and touch others.

Digg! Digg this

Paradoxically, Equality Doesn’t Mean Being Equal

Dialogue by Kit No Comments »

In reply to your equality post, I just want to emphasise that equality and being equal are not the same – that we are distinctly different in many ways, and yet equality does apply.  It’s a subtle semantic point that may trip people if they don’t read carefully.

Digg! Digg this

Equality Seems To Be Part of Balance

Dialogue by Kat 1 Comment »

It seems to me that we have such a wonderful balance between us partly as a result of our  equality. Its not that we are the same, or that we act or share in the same way. Its more that our input and output seems equal. Neither of us is pushing or pulling more than the other. Neither of us is more involved than the other. We are equally seeking peace. We are equally constant and committed. We are equally sexual. Neither of us is seeking to make the other into anything or to change the other. We are different and yet  find union in the balance between us.

Digg! Digg this
kitandkat.com © 2008 All rights reserved.
Wordpress Themes by Sabiostar web development studio.
Images by desEXign.