Being positive

Our path by Kit No Comments »

Just before leaving this morning you said something upbeat (and I can’t even remember what) that reminded me how much I appreciate your positive nature.  It also stood out in contrast to a friend who called with a tech support problem and bitched and moaned through 30 minutes of phone calls.  The difference is that I’m not responsible for your mood; it’s not my duty to fix it, lighten it or live with it.  It’s not that I’m expecting you to be a perpetual Pollyanna, either.  You were frazzled this evening, for good reason.  That doesn’t bother me, and I’m happy to be a voice of stability at such times.  That might sound like I’ve changed my position, but I think the difference is not one of degree, but of attitude, that some people have a wilfully gloomy streak that emerges when problems arise.  You don’t, and for this I am so grateful.  It’s yet another reason why life with you is so easy and weightless.  XXXX Kit.

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Our Process

Our path by Kat No Comments »

I loved last night. We were talking about Kit and Kat and working on a strategy for putting the first ebook together. It was such a perfect example of how we come up with a plan or action, that both reflects each of us and is at the same time more than either of us. We have this way of entering the sharing as two separate personalities, and  while remaining individual, we also develop a voice of union. We seem to move dance like through our exchange. We develop a rhythm in our talking and before long, there is another voice there. And out of this comes something new, a co-creation. It is not something either one of us had in mind. It seems to grow and fill the space between us. It has an authoritative voice. This I call our process. And I trust it completely.

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Avoiding Being Right

Our path by Kit No Comments »

This factor of not needing to be right is indeed one of the major things that makes it work for us, but it’s still hard to dissect.  I can think of two factors; one is that you don’t do stupid or annoying things, so I don’t have to try and change your behavior.  The second is that you, in turn, don’t try to control me, which is wonderfully liberating, but also stops any need for me to defend myself by counter-attacking with the same accusations because you’ve pushed my hypocrisy button.

So does that mean we’re both perfect?  That seems unlikely to me.  More probable is that we have a higher tolerance level, or to put it another way, other people have a lower tolerance level.  So what’s that about?  Well, neither of us are locked into things having to be a certain way; for example, last time we were away, we slept on opposite sides of the bed from usual.  How do we do this?  It’s not as if we drift through life in a zombied state, having no preferences at all; we do, but either our preferences coincide, or else we’re not so attached to them, because there are other choices that would work, so it’s easy to find something that’s mutually acceptable.  In the event that one of us has a strong desire, the other is happy to go with that; there is, after all, a distinct pleasure in seeing the happiness of the other.

And there we have it.  We’ve never reached a point where the two of us have strong and opposing desires, and though I can dream up dark scenarios, I can also imagine ways past them.  The bottom line is that neither of us see any benefit in conflict; it’s a waste of energy, it leaves damage that can take a long time to heal, if ever, and it has to be resolved eventually by putting one’s soul on the line, so why not start there?

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