kitandkat.com

I loved last night. We were talking about Kit and Kat and working on a strategy for putting the first ebook together. It was such a perfect example of how we come up with a plan or action, that both reflects each of us and is at the same time more than either of us. We have this way of entering the sharing as two separate personalities, and  while remaining individual, we also develop a voice of union. We seem to move dance like through our exchange. We develop a rhythm in our talking and before long, there is another voice there. And out of this comes something new, a co-creation. It is not something either one of us had in mind. It seems to grow and fill the space between us. It has an authoritative voice. This I call our process. And I trust it completely.

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One of the things that I love about how we are together is the lack of either one of us ‘needing to be right’ or being concerned with ‘who is right’.  When we listen to each other as we are talking together, we are actually listening. We are not just in our head, waiting for the moment when we can begin talking again and explaining why what we think is how it is. In fact, both of us seem to really get off on the fact that the other one has different ideas and doesn’t see everything exactly as we do. These differences are not really sources for actual conflict. They are not differences in meanings and values. I feel that in so many relationships, the sharing is more like a debate or an argument. Things that are often of no consequence or actual substance, become the areas of intense struggle, all in the name of ‘who is right’!

By eliminating this type of back and forth altogether, we seem to wind up in a miraculous space. We go to an area where we share what each of us feels and thinks and even as we are talking, something begins to occur. We start to hear new ideas, things that aren’t exactly from either of us, but yet have the best of what each of us has contributed. By the time we are done, we usually have a new creation, an answer to our problem or a plan for action that is much better than anything either of us came up with.

It really feels like magic and it happens every time.

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I feel bright and shiny and new each time we are together. It is rather amazing after this amount of time, but it does seems so fresh and such an adventure always.  Neither of us take anything for granted. We haven’t  fallen asleep to some greater or lesser degree with each other. Our time together is always very exciting, while also being nourishing and soothing.

This must be another face of living in the present. I can’t find any other explanation for it. Everything is so new because it is being created and co-created as we go. Feeling your presence is an amazing thing. It uplifts me. It reassures me. It fascinates me. It surprises me. I never take it for granted, but I do know that you are always there with your whole self. There is no withdrawing, no abandoning. As you have said, we remain connected, both when we are physically together and when we are not. There is such peace in the experience of the present,  unencumbered with things created solely by the mind or the past. How did we come to dwell in this place together? I can see that as one has these experiences, they are so attractive that one is pulled to remain there, to stay with something so good. But how did it come to be in our beginning?

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I was reading your last post, and thinking about what you said about empty mindedness.  I think this is an important part of reaching that state we describe. Maybe in order to be able to honor the other as a complete distinct personality, you need to have the ability to empty your mind. We know it is important to come with no expectations, especially not any projections, “I must haves” or “only ifs”.

You described such an interesting path, your own. You found your way there in two distinctly different ways. The first, was through the negative experience. You came to know what was of true meaning and value to you, by experiencing what you weren’t attracted to, and what didn’t feel right. You discovered you didn’t want conflict, arguments, invasions. Through these experiences, you came to know that part of yourself that recognized what you want, and what you align yourself with.

The next way was through gathered learning. Examples you gave were your experiences of zen sitting, and the enlightenment intensives you’ve done.

To really have the experience of something new, you have to empty yourself of before and after. You have to be right there in the present. When you relate in union within the present, you create and co-create.

It sounds like some degree of self awareness is needed to walk our path.

I love what we do together. All of it. I hope we find ways to share it with others. Its amazing what happens when you “give peace a chance”.

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Since we spoke the other night, I have felt that it is really important for us to explore even further the quality of our path that you refer to as non-interference, and I usually refer to as relating to the other as a complete distinct personality. I believe that so much else of how we are and the non-argumentative nature of our union derives from this underpinning.
Is there a chicken and egg aspect here? We usually think that our strong presence with each other is brought about by this quality of non-interference. But I am beginning to wonder if it isn’t a bit of both. Perhaps a kind of empty mindedness is what enabled us to truly feel fully open enough to be together with this special kind of acceptance.
Lack of projections and demands is critical to coming into this place together. Many people I know have their heads filled with everything they need to make things work, in any situation and in every relationship. They have so many things decided in advance – what they need in common and how things have to look and feel – that there is very little room for anything to actually just be, let alone the coming into being of something new.
I think that empty mindedness, the willingness to let all ideas go and let new things happen, is a prerequisite to our path. The need for control and the sense of control have to be entirely abandoned.
Let’s explore this as part of how we got here to this wonderful place of peace and joy in love

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When one is not filled with projections of how things should or could be, not filled with thoughts of the past or the future, then one winds up occupying the present. This act of being present in relationship brings many marvels with it. It leads to new and exciting experiences. It imbues shared experiences with a quality of creativity and co-creativity. When you combine these things, you achieve a marvelous sense of freedom of self and freedom of expression. When you can be gently present without defenses or any need to keep or raise barriers, it has an amazing and exhilarating effect. It is the difference between dancing around barefoot on a floor where you know there are a few thumbtacks (even one) and a floor that is free of any tacks. In the second, you can leap and twirl with your full self. This same sense in a relationship creates a stunning experience of deep abiding peace and joy.

We have this and yet it confounds both of us. We wonder how this can be, and at the same time it feels so easy and so natural. The ability to relax and be fully present seems to follow from the sense of undefended relating. We are in peace and trust and honesty because we are not assailed, we are not attacked. There is no pressure to be different than we are in our essence. So we are open and at peace in action and being.

I love this experience of being with you. I feel so supported in my own personal journey and so in union with you.

love Kat

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There are several areas that are essential to our kind of relating.

The first is the  deep and abiding understanding that the other personality in the relationship is just that, a complete and sacrosanct separate personality. There is no attempt to change, alter or in anyway impinge upon the inner uniqueness of the other.  Rather,  there is a rejoicing and honoring of the other.

It gives each of us the ability to be so free, so undefended. I feel totally supported by you, not wanting to change or alter who I am.  You seem to rejoice in who I am. I know I rejoice in you. I find it delightful to be with someone who isn’t me, who is entirely unique, and yet shares my deepest meanings and values. I love the adventure of getting to know you as you share yourself so completely and openly. And it seems we can each develop even more fully with this wonderful supportive exchange.

If you are barefoot and dancing, and find out that somewhere on the floor there is even one thumbtack, it will greatly change your movement and inhibit your dancing. If there are no tacks to get pricked with, you can leap about in full joy. That’s how it is with us!

This form of unfettered, undefended beingness, brings one fully into presence. But I think that is the beginning of another blog posting.

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In the years of our relationship and marriage, we have been astounded again and again by the peaceful yet passionate nature of our union. We live with an amazing lack of conflict and an ever increasing experience of joy, ease and harmony. And this is indeed an ongoing actual experience;  not a theory, not thoughts nor collections of ideas.

In fact, this experience is so profound, that we both feel compelled to share it with others. We hope and believe that it may assist in spreading peace within relationships, any and all relationships.  This is a way of peace between people.

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Dear Kit,

We’ve been having those wonderful talks about how we are going to move forward in these next six months and in our life together. I so enjoy these creative jam sessions, especially because they are not just pipe dreaming. They often result in wonderful new paths and directions for us. There is something about the way we are able to speak the total of our minds to each other, never in a defensive way, never withholding or protected. We just both put out the full thoughts we can come up with and some where in between, a new and wonderful different concept or plan emerges. One that is neither from you or I.  It is the answer that arises through our process and it is a co-creation of our united being.

I was giving an illustration of the fact that we shouldn’t think we are locked into things as they are now. We can shake it all up and let it come out differently – on the material physical plane. I put forth a scenario in which we sell Isla Vista and Victoria and with the profits wind up with a big house that we own outright (given the housing deals being made right now) and have no mortgage on. This would greatly change our whole scenario. It was an example and not necessarily a specific suggestion, although all things of this nature deserve looking at.

I view your recent fabulously successful foray into creating an income job for yourself as a really wonderful example of just what I was talking about. This has the potential to greatly alter our lives and it is a direct right degree turn from what was happening the day before it occurred!

I rejoice that we are using our creative abilities to shape and reframe our lives.

Life is so precious, as we were reminded again this week. Let’s not fall asleep and let’s keep on creating anew.

I love our life together and I rejoice in you!

love Kat

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Dearest,

I’m so glad to be back posting. I love that our process has brought us back here. I love our talking. First in person and then on the blog,we share what we find out about us and this amazing experience of living love and deep abiding peace. I love that we both feel strongly we want to find ways to share this with everyone and hope it might give inspiration for others to have a personal experience of true peace and love within relationship. This experience with you and us,  gives me as you put it,  the visceral knowing of what peace is, and how love is lived.

And so it is, that as we entered the second six months of this year, we’ve again begun to look at our core values and what we want and how to make it be. This has engendered wonderful talks and the loveliest of intimacies. These talks have led us to blogging again. I am looking forward to incorporating this into my natural flow, so that our writing  goes back and forth smoothly and without too much delay.

So some of the gems of the last few days are:

It is core to us that we find ways to return to the world fellowship, this amazing grace we have been granted in being together. We feel blessed to be participating in such a creative, expansive relationship that supports so deeply each of us as individuals, and yet brings forth something that is neither you nor I,  but of both of us. We want to find ways to share this process and anything that can be learned or used from it to bring peace and love.

In order to move toward changing my hours, I have to experience this by spending some time out of my present schedule and situation. If we are moving toward realizing certain situations for our life together, then we must also experience that by spending time with each other out of the normal schedules we have, and in the places and ways we are moving toward. In order to manifest what we want, we have to at least have short bursts of actual experience of how it will be in order to truly move toward it.

Love

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