We always feel connected. When you leave physically, I don’t feel that anything has changed between you and me, and when we come together again, there is no need for any adjustment. This happens after sex, too; there is no break in intimacy. All this contrasts with former relationships, which interleaved connection and alienation.
So what are we doing differently?
I think with others, I withdrew to regain my sense of self, because I had lost it in several ways. One was the limitations on behavior that many people impose. Another was the need for silence; as an introvert (and I was more so in those days), too much company too long was exhausting. Lastly, the experience of merging with another, though ecstatic, was a different unfamiliar world, and maybe after a while I had to return to the familiar.
To stray from the personal a bit, I think many people connect from a sense of incompleteness; they want the other to assuage their needs, substitute for their inadequacies, fix their sense of loss, grief, pain. This only works for a while, as the underlying needs reappear; they must be confronted on their own, not salved by taking from another. For the partner, the constant supply of support can become a Sisyphean task.
With you, none of these happen. I do not have to watch myself when I am with you, because you let me be who I am. Oh, thank you! I cannot say it enough. You have your own need for space and silence, as do I, and because we remain connected, it is effortless to separate, and to rejoin afterwards. And lastly, I welcome the ecstasy and experience it as an addition to myself, not as an alternative. Whether this is due to knowing myself better or how you take part, I cannot say.
So to summarise, we remain connected, yet I always feel completely myself. It is paradoxical, yet indisputable.
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