My Dear Kat,
Let me start this dialog by discussing a principal that is completely clear to us: to make no demands upon the other. That’s none, nil, nada, zilch.
I’ve spent years with the bathroom half-renovated? You keep checking email when coffee is ready? He leaves his clothes lying around? Who are you to control his habits? She takes 20 minutes to put on make-up? That’s just what she needs to feel comfortable.
With you, the experience of being able to act without engendering your approval or disapproval leads to an extraordinary freedom that I have never experienced before in a relationship: the possibility of being myself. Furthermore, it is cumulative; the longer we are together, the more assured we are of this, and the more we are each able to express ourselves.
I want to make it completely clear to our readers that this is not some abstract goal, such that 80% or 90% or 95% is “good enough”. Imagine being barefoot in a room with thumb-tacks on the floor. Even a few will inhibit your ability to dance, but once you find the room to be free of them, no limits apply. And so with us, I find that you add to me; I can be myself, and you make room for me to be more. I am so grateful for your amazing and uncommon skill.
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January 27th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
[…] Thumbtacks Imagine being barefoot in a room with thumb-tacks on the floor. Even a few will inhibit your ability to dance, but once you find the room to be free of them, no limits apply. […]