Demands

Dialogue Add comments

My Dear Kat,

Let me start this dialog by discussing a principal that is completely clear to us: to make no demands upon the other.  That’s none, nil, nada, zilch.

I’ve spent years with the bathroom half-renovated?  You keep checking email when coffee is ready?  He leaves his clothes lying around?  Who are you to control his habits?  She takes 20 minutes to put on make-up?  That’s just what she needs to feel comfortable.

With you, the experience of being able to act without engendering your approval or disapproval leads to an extraordinary freedom that I have never experienced before in a relationship: the possibility of being myself.  Furthermore, it is cumulative; the longer we are together, the more assured we are of this, and the more we are each able to express ourselves.

I want to make it completely clear to our readers that this is not some abstract goal, such that 80% or 90% or 95% is “good enough”.  Imagine being barefoot in a room with thumb-tacks on the floor.  Even a few will inhibit your ability to dance, but once you find the room to be free of them, no limits apply.  And so with us, I find that you add to me; I can be myself, and you make room for me to be more.  I am so grateful for your amazing and uncommon skill.

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